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Dated: Mar. 06, 2005

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* You put a pillow case over your laptop so your lover doesn't see it while you are pretending to catch your breath.

* You ask a plumber how much it would cost to replace the chair in front of your computer with a toilet.

* You forget what year it is.

* You start tilting your head sideways to smile.

* You ask your doctor to implant a gig in your brain.

* You leave the modem speaker on after connecting because you think it sounds like the ocean wind...the perfect soundtrack for "surfing the net".

* You begin to wonder how on earth your service provider is allowed to call 200 hours per month "unlimited."

* You turn on your computer and turn off your wife.

* Your wife says communication is important in a marriage...so you buy another computer and install a second phone line so the two of you can chat.

* As your car crashes through the guardrail on a mountain road, your first instinct is to search for the "back" button.

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